Now What?
This whole early retirement thing has been pretty easy so far, thanks to a solid plan and a bit of luck.
We have had a hefty economic tail wind, a strong US dollar, (mostly) good health, unexpected income, a low tax burden, and an abundance of enthusiasm and good cheer.
There is a lot to be grateful for this Thanksgiving season.
But alas, not everything goes according to plan…
Not Everything Goes According to Plan
A few weeks ago 7 different women had embryos implanted at the IVF doctor. 5 of them are now pregnant. Winnie isn’t one of them.
Our earlier attempt this spring was also unsuccessful.
Scientific reproduction takes a physical and emotional toll, doubly so when the results are negative. As such, we have agreed we won’t make another attempt.
If there is a silver lining, perhaps it is that we won’t need to pay for college for more than one child. Dollars we’ve been mentally holding in reserve are now free game.
Now What?
Taipei has been our baby making base for the past year. Now, our lease is up in May and Jr’s school lets out in early June. Our need to be present in this one particular country has been greatly diminished.
When the first implant didn’t work out we hopped on a plane to Europe to escape the heat and humidity of summer. That intense sun and sweat will soon be upon us once again…
So… now what?
This has been a topic of much (heated) debate in the GCC household…
Option 1 – Paris
We were in Paris in spring ’17, and Winnie has been dreaming of going back ever since. This time for months on end. For an artist there are few cities as inspiring…
Option 2 – Barcelona or thereabouts
If there is a downside to Paris (besides snow), it is the ridiculous expense of it all. By comparison, we could live in Barcelona… fly to Paris every other weekend and stay in a very nice hotel… for less than the cost of living in Paris.
Barcelona has long been a favorite of mine since visiting for work. We briefly passed through last year, and in 2016 we spent 2 weeks eating all the things and feasting our eyes on all things Gaudí… it is very artsy.
I hear there is also a beach.
Option 3 – California
As recent posts have made clear, California is on our short list of places to make a forever home. But we aren’t quite ready yet… a year or 2 in France or Spain would be a nice transition.
Option 4 – Taipei
Life in Taipei is good. Really good. Perhaps too good?
We could head abroad for 3 months or so during the heat of summer… to Paris or Barcelona or California. Or go ski for a season in New Zealand. Or walk the Camino. Or collect more passport stamps. Or whatever. Really, the options are unlimited.
Decisions
We are going to take our time making any decisions. The future is bright and we have a lot to be grateful for, even when things don’t go according to plan.
Now What?
As a brief aside, we were featured in Business Insider’s Real Money Series this weekend. Check it out to see how much money we spent during a week traveling through the Baltic countries.
Aww.. So sorry that things didn’t turn out as planned, that’s really a tough one but great that you could see a silver lining and at least have junior.. >3
Thank you
Hot days in July: La Ruta del Califato, Espania,; Cinque Terre, Italia (walks); Cool days in July: Manly to Bondi track, Sydney (walk); Heysen / Mawson Track, South Australia (walk / bike).
These all look like great places to visit. Cinque Terre has been on my list for a long time…
I’m so sorry- that’s really an emotional rollercoaster and so tough when it doesn’t work out. Best wishes with the rest of you plans.
Yeah, lots of up and downs. Thank you
I hesitate to give advice as this is so personal, and I’m obviously don’t know the medical issues involved, but IVF centers do vary in technique and outcome. If you want more info on what I would consider the best center in the world (amazing lab, has helped many folks where it didn’t work out elsewhere), feel free to PM me.
Best of luck with wherever life takes you and whatever path you decide to follow. It’s not easy.
I was wondering how the latest round went. Perhaps it’s meant to be. And as one chapter closes, another one opens!
Decisions, decisions…
I like your analytical approach – keep your options open, perhaps land in a spot or two for a couple of years and then figure things out (California “for good”?). I think I know where life is taking me long term but I don’t really count on more than about 2 years out.
And I’ll pitch Raleigh to you again! I found out 2 of my friends have kids in the free public school here that does all day Chinese language immersion. You *might* be able to stay car free around that area but I doubt you would want to. Oh and the Chinese immersion school is next to what is probably the best playground for kids in the state :) But summers are like Taipei-lite with the heat and humidity (we usually leave and the kids’ school schedule makes that convenient too).
Onward and upward…
I hear Raleigh is the Paris of the South
You mean Paris is the Raleigh of Europe? ;)
Thanks for sharing your experience, it’s something a lot of people are going through but not many are willing to talk about. I appreciate it
Thank you
As a mother of a daughter who first tried IVF & then tried IUI…successfully. I do hope you try that route…I have two beautiful grandsons…my miracle grandbabies…Please try IUI…You’ll be glad you did :) Hopeful for you in the New Year!
This isn’t an option for us. Thanks for the suggestion.
Am very sorry how it worked out. Life can be tricky that way sometimes. I have my own share of tricks. But here it comes…. remind yourself of all the other blessings 🙏. Regarding France 🇫🇷 Or Spain 🇪🇸 , am considering moving to France as an early retiree but aren’t taxes on dividends and cap gains very high in France or Spain compared to US? I believe they both tax worldwide income.
Both France and Spain tax worldwide income of their residents. It’s just an expense like any other.
Sorry it didn’t work out, but you just gotta move on. One kid is already great, right?
You know, I didn’t really like Barcelona when we visited. It’s just another big city to me. Mrs. RB40 was sick so maybe that colored my experience with the city. Enjoy your travel. I’m sure you’ll have fun where ever you go.
What about Barcelona didn’t you like? It is one of my all time favorite cities.
I loved it too, especially the food. And I’ve been everywhere.
I’m sorry to hear of your trials. IFV is such a roller coaster of emotions. My sister who has undergone the same treatment was told that three times seems to be the magic number, so the Doctor sells the treatment package so to speak in 3’s, but he’s a Saint as well, he will refund you a portion of the costs if he can’t make it work within those three times. Of course given she was a qualified recipient. I’d say…, never say never, the days roll on and maybe another attempt is still in your future. I hope Winnie is recovering nicely and she knows she’s not alone. Much love from the States!
Thanks Crystal. It’s definitely a barrage of emotions
I feel bad for couples who want a child or children and cannot, when so many are having them that could care less whether they live or die. My condolences. For whatever it is worth, we decided early on to have only one child. In many ways it was a Godsend. We were able to do so much for our daughter, and she knows everything is done for her when it comes from us. I like to look for the silver lining in things, and I believe you will find one in this situation. Best wishes.
Thanks Chuck.
Thank you for your honesty and candidness in sharing your story. The fertility journey is not always easy and we are also there ourselves, not with IVF but several miscarriages and now on the adoption train. It’s all hard on the emotions and family. Best to you and yours!!
It isn’t commonly shared, which is why I ultimately decided to do so. Best to you & yours too!
In spring 2017 we enjoyed a month in Suresnes in the western suburbs of Paris, just across the Seine from the huge park, the Bois de Boulogne, a little over a half an hour by tram and RER from the city center. Our Airbnb apartment was small and not fancy, but it was super cheap. Including everything, it was only ~700€ for the month! We chose to save money on accommodations, so we could afford to spend more on good food, and we ended up loving the atmosphere in Suresnes. It was like living in a village, but within easy commuting distance from central Paris.
Thanks. This is an area I was looking in as well – easy to get to the city core when you want, but a fraction of the price. We also have friends in the area near Bois de Vincennes with similar positive experience.
Sorry Winnie and Jeremy : ( I did 4 years of IVF and had one miracle child, was on my last nerve, and on my last try it worked. I understand the roller coaster, and did it while working for some cruella managers. So grateful for what I have, and still some thoughts about wishing for another. I am still working and things are calmer, but I watch your blog carefully for inspiration and starting to plan for FIRE and making an excellent life for our miracle baby. She is two, and will be no more than seven by the time I tap out : )
So glad it worked out!
Jr was on our 2nd attempt, 3 implants each time. This time we had 2 rounds of 2 implants with no luck.
Sorry to hear that, it’s tough I bet. :(
Sometimes it’s just not meant to be and you can’t force it.
Personally I would pick Barcelona, I loved that city. Paris would be cool too but slightly more expensive. Have you considered Germany at all? Berlin is a pretty neat city and it’s relatively cheap.
I like Berlin, but I don’t think it is a place we would want to spend a year or more
Sorry to hear the bad news that Winnie’s IVF didn’t work out. My wife also struggled through several IVF attempts, so we know very well the difficulty both emotionally and physically she’s gone through. It’s a tough road to travel, especially when things meet with failure in the end.
Wherever you end up, I hope your family finds can fine peace and content.
Thank you sir
Sorry the IVF didn’t work out.
Between Barcelona and Paris I would pick Barcelona. We were there for only a week in 2017 and I long to return. From Barcelona you could also easily do the south of France which I realize is not Paris.
Thanks Mary. Barcelona is great, as is the south of France.
Wow, I can’t imagine how that feels. Sending only good thoughts and love to your whole family.
Thanks Chris
So very sorry to hear that news. That’s gotta be tough :(
My vote is for Barcelona!! I love that city and as you mentioned, they have a beach! Plus, don’t you guys know a bit of Spanish from your early days of retirement?
Sending love your way!
Thanks Nina.
Yeah, we speak quite a bit of broken Spanglish. It’s far better than our French.
So sorry to hear the IVF didn’t work out. Sending prayers and good thoughts for the whole family.
Thank you Margie, much appreciated
Sorry to hear the procedure didn’t go as planned. There are only so many factors under our control. Luckily, you’ve positioned yourself to control what you can, and get to live life to the fullest possible – even with the inevitable bumps in the road.
Those future living options are some excellent choices. I still think spending a good bit of time in Spain of France could be in our future. Such awesome spots to explore :)
Best of luck with this tough new decision!
Thanks man. There is really no wrong answer when all of your choices are great.
I’m so sorry the IVF didn’t work out. It’s devastating news to hear and take in. Best wishes with your plans after some time has passed from these decisions.
Thank you Leigh.
So sorry the ivf didn’t work out :(
I would pick Paris. It’s such a beautiful city and it’d be so cool to live there. You could fly there of course but there’s something really special about living somewhere.
Best of luck to you and Winnie :)
Thanks Nate. Yeah, Paris would be cool. Decisions decisions…
Sorry to hear about your struggles. :(
What about Portugal? The cost is quite low and Paris and the rest of Europe is close at hand.
Portugal is nice. This is our short list after we narrowed it down.
Jeremy, so sorry to hear that the procedure didn’t work out for you and Winnie. One of the things that Patricia and I have enjoyed about our friendship with you guys is your positive attitude moving forward. My sense is that it will serve you well. Patricia and I send our love.
Hi Winnie and Jeremy, so sorry about the procedure not working… Can’t imagine the ups and downs, the hopes and disappointments, and all that you have had to deal with. Sending our best, Akaisha and Billy
Re: Barcelona.
My friends (Spanish-American couple with two small children) moved back to the US from Barcelona a year or two ago. They used to love Barcelona, and had planned on staying in Spain permanently, but had to leave due to the financial crisis. While they maintained a steady and reasonable income, the city really fell into disarray. They would sign their kids up for activities which were inevitably and repeatedly cancelled because no one else could afford them, and many shops and restaurants closed due to lack of business. Tourism became the main industry, and they felt as though they were living in a city of AirBnBs with no steady neighbors, no sense of community, few locals, and disappearing amenities.
Might not affect you for a year there, but food for thought.
One thing i don’t really like about Paris or Barcelona is how many tourists there are. Of course that depends heavily on where you live in these cities. Both can also be quite hot in the summer abd Europe isn’t huge on air conditioning 😁 That being said those are all great options. I’m from Cal and live in Europe so I agree 😁
I’m sorry about your IVF story. I can certainly relate. In 2016, after 7 years of trying to conceive, my wife and I decided to try IVF. $25,000 later (with all the physical and emotional torment), it was unsuccessful. Our worlds were shattered. We virtually gave up (we had tried everything). But God has a sense of humor because 2 months later, even when we were no longer trying, my wife became pregnant and we now have a vivacious toddler running around. In January, 2018, we tried another cycle of IVF with the frozen embryos we had left over but again it was unsuccessful. Oh well, we are still immensely grateful. Even before our miracle baby came on, we had learned to live a life of gratitude because there is still so much to be thankful and grateful for
It’s a very personal thing and we had so many people tell us we weren’t meant to be parents when we tried again and again until they were sick of us trying. After 6 years of IUI, donor sperm, 3 IVF rounds, ovarian hyper stimulations including hospitalisation, donor eggs, we were ready to give up. Until I talked to a colleague who just got pregnant for the second time after putting back 40 embryos over a 6 year period. She said just think about the money as a tax placed on women for delaying their child bearing in favour of our careers (both of us started trying in our 30s). And the process like a chronic disease where you just have to see the doctor regularly, have the odd procedure and testing. That helped take the pressure off, it was just something I had to do. As long as the embryos are good quality it’s a numbers game. There is a 90% success rate with 13 cycles (not embryos – actual stimulation cycles) Now we have 2 wonderful kids and I’m so glad we didn’t listen to the nay sayers. We ended up being at the third clinic (a skilled embryologist is crucial) and we gave up coffee, alcohol and maxed out the appropriate vitamins and antioxidants. It was nothing to do with stress. I would get so pissed off at people who told me to just relax, it was cause I was working too hard etc etc. And then suggesting when it did happen that we had just relaxed. I said no, injecting myself every day for months at a time, having countless blood tests was not especially relaxing. It was technology and good fertility doctors that got us pregnant. But we still spent about $60000 all up on getting our 2 kids. Worth every cent.
But I know other people where the IVF process was incredibly stressful and emotional for both parties and you have to weigh that up. I had every suggestion in the book; ‘well at least you’ve got your career’, ‘ god’s got other plans for you’ you’re throwing good money after bad’, just get a dog’ etc. I stopped sharing what we were doing in the end as other peoples opinions were not helpful. In your face people! – if we had listened to your well meaning platitudes we would never have got there.
Keep rockin’ the old school fertilization – it’s good for team morale ;)
The architecture was neat, but other than that I don’t see why everyone likes Barcelona so much. The food was mediocre to me. Maybe I need to go back for another visit. It was cold when we were there.
I liked Sevilla and Granada more when we were in Spain.
Sounds like Portland ;)
If you haven’t already, check in to Reproductive Immunology. Dr. Braverman mentioned in Refinery 29 article.
Real nice blog! My first visit here. I will be back!
I’d recommend looking into schooling options in Barcelona before committing to a move there. I think it’s impossible to get a public education in Castilian. Your son would be taught Catalán or possibly another language like English, but definitely not Spanish (ie Castilian). You’d need to enroll him in private school. Of course, this is all assuming you want him to learn Spanish! And don’t want the weirdness of private school.
I live in a small village in Aragon so the reports I hear of education in Cataluña are biased, I’m sure, but not so far off base.
As a long time reader I’d be thrilled to give you a tour of my village if you ever venture this far south. It’s called Albarracín (Google it!), and is repeatedly voted Spain’s most beautiful village. Much too small for your tastes, but it’s friendliness, and proximity to world class climbing, suits me and my family just fine!
Did you know California is 52% Hispanic? If that’s not a case for learning Spanish I don’t know what is!
I’m spreading fake news! Yikes! Correction: California is 39% Hispanic.
Internet photos of Aragon look nice :)
Catalán is fine. Private school is fine.
Winnie and Jeremy, Sorry to hear that the IVF did not work. Having gone through several miscarriages (though never IVF), I have an understanding of how you feel.
We ended up going the adoption route (x4)! Three from Taiwan (me being from Taiwan made that easier to do the process) and one from Korea. Ended up having one of our one, but love them all equally, and are so happy we did adopt. Maybe something to look into?
Regards,
Becky
I’d held out hope for you guys for a long time after you wrote that you were going for number 2 this spring. I am so sorry it didn’t go as planned
We concieved our little one with IVF and know well the roller coaster of emotions. We defied the odds and were somehow successful. We fought long and hard on the decision on whether to go back for another IVF battle. Ultimately the reality of the physical, financial, and emotional cost coupled with the next to impossible odds pushed us to stop the madness.
I had always intended on having at least two children. The reality of not having that be our choice to make is hard.
Of course our little one is enough. She is our everything. I am sure you guys feel the same way.
Thanks for sharing your story
Adoption? It’s great to have a sibling, you’ll get more in return than you could ever imagine, and you’ll be give a child a family. Win win.
It is something we have talked about.