Walking slowly around my sweet new ride, hand slowly brushing the polished surface, my friend Ron raised his eyebrows and asked, “Do you think you might be having a midlife crisis?”
“Well I certainly hope so, otherwise what is the point?!” Why else would a man in his 30’s buy a sports car?
Real Men Get Therapy
I noticed a pattern in myself, and had no idea how to change it. I would date someone, get unreasonably attached, and then say and do things to make her want to leave. The leaving was always painful, this time was no different
I cleansed. I drank juice. I fasted. I did yoga. I threw myself into work
And I started weekly visits with a therapist, a lovely woman that lived at the heart of Haight and Ashbury when it was cool to live at the heart of Haight and Ashbury. In the history of therapists, there is probably none better
She asked me hard questions, and made me talk about things I didn’t want to talk about. I hated it. Harder than exercising, harder than saving money, harder than not eating that last piece of cheese cake, I struggled to get the words out
But she pulled it out of me, word after word. Sometimes I lied, and she called me out on it. She saw through everything
Months go by. From January to August, I flew over 300,000 miles for work all over Asia and Europe. Work, exercise, therapy. Work, exercise, therapy. This was my life
Out of the blue one day, my therapist said, “I want you to start dating.”
You’ve probably figured it out by now; when I do something, I do it all the way
Experiments in Hedonism
Rob: “I can’t get over how cute the girls in this city are”
Mike: “I know. It’s like the opposite of inbreeding. The hottest one percent from around the world migrate to this gene pool.– Swingers, about Los Angeles
It’s hard to spend money when you are traveling for work all the time. Without truly internalizing it, I was financially independent and continuing to amass stockpiles of cash.
Travel at work largely stopped, as we had now fully launched the development of a project in Japan. All I had to do was monitor progress via phone. I could be anywhere. Why not Los Angeles?
Just after the market crashed in 2008, I drove my Porsche down the Pacific Coast Highway from Seattle to LA and moved into a friend’s house.
Somewhere in Northern California
I’d work out of coffee shops and talk with women at Whole Foods or the beach or at yoga. I dated a couple professional models, a tattoo artist, a minor celebrity, and went to parties at the Playboy Mansion and in the Hollywood Hills. I even joined a small punk rock band.
I was experimenting with ways to answer, “What do you do?” A friend of mine remarked at the time, “I know guys who lie and say they are a Doctor or a Lawyer to get girls. You are the only person I’ve ever known that says he is unemployed. And it works!”
It was a lot of fun, and oddly therapeutic. Life was good in every way
Working for the Man
The Man giveth, and the Man taketh away. I was asked to return to Seattle to begin a new project
I drove the Porsche back north, the first time I had driven in months. Why drive, when everything was within a short bike ride and the weather is always perfect? The morning I arrived in Seattle, I handed the keys to a professional specialty car shop and they sold it within 2 weeks. I would never own a car again
Despite the higher cost of LA living, I still didn’t spend very much. And I continued to plow cash into the stock market through the market decline of 2008 and 2009. Buying stock during the best sale I’ll probably ever see was a priority.
I may have been experimenting with hedonism, but I was still no fool (well, at least not in this case.) The Porsche I bought was 4 years old with 6,000 miles on it, and had spent most of its life in a collector’s garage. When I sold it, mileage had risen to 12,000. My total loss on the vehicle was about $15k
My focus on buying stock in the down turn was so great, I took out a car loan rather than pay cash because I wanted the cash flow. In a sense, I used leverage to buy stock. Return on investment was much greater than $15k
The Ghost of Christmas Past
New work project, new work partner, new work city.
This time it was Taipei
Just before Christmas I was in Taiwan, and one evening I was looking through my phone when I saw Winnie’s phone number. I took a moment, and asked myself, “How do I feel about Winnie at this moment?” Neutral. I called and invited her for tea
The tea must have been good. 8 months later, we said, “I do”
Issues
We both had issues that contributed to our two year hiatus. Winnie’s father disappeared when she was 10, and she lived in an orphanage for two years until her mother was able to get back on her feet and bring her home. Her drive to be independent is as strong as it comes
Returning to Taipei after our falling out, Winnie explored the job market. Smart, articulate, and witty, her skills were in strong demand. She landed a job that saw her income soar
Saving 50% of her income, thriving in everything she did, Winnie was alive and strong.
I called up my lovely hippie therapist
“Winnie and I have been seeing each other. Everything in life is wonderful, I can’t think of a single thing I would change. Even if we aren’t together, life will still be awesome. Yet, I love life more with Winnie in it”
Trying her best to restrain her enthusiasm, she replied, “Jeremy, the way you always talked about Winnie, even though you were angry and hurt… now, I should probably not say this, but… I always felt like you and Winnie were soul mates.”
“When something like that happens, if you don’t have the skills to handle something so strong, it can be terrifying. You have those skills now, and I give you my full blessing”
Winnie was ready to rely on someone else. All of my fears were gone. We agreed to be each other’s Missing Piece
, completely whole together or apart.
The Final Stretch
Team Curry Cracker was back together again, better and stronger than ever
We spent the next 3 years in Seattle, enjoying life and depositing nearly my whole paycheck into the brokerage account.
We could have spent much more, but we’d both been there done that. If we wanted something, we bought it. If we wanted to do something, we did it. It just so happened that we already had everything we wanted, and none of those were things. We’d tested the idea that spending more meant a better life, and discovered it wasn’t always true
A few days after my final work project was announced publicly, I submitted my resignation.
We haven’t looked back
—-
Our Journey to Early Retirement was an exciting and wild ride. I wouldn’t change one bit of it
Through it all we discovered ourselves and each other, and gained the emotional and financial strength to tackle any problem that comes our way
If you enjoyed this post, be sure to read the rest in the series:
Episode 1 – Clawing Out of Debt
Episode 2 – Lifestyle Inflation
Episode 3 – Paying Dues
Episode 4 – A Tale of Two Cities
I love that buying a Porsche was part of your early retirement journey! I don’t think very many people can say that :). It’s almost as if you lived an opposite life for awhile, which makes your experience that much richer and more unique.
And the saga of you and Winnie finding, losing, and finding each other again is just so very sweet. I also commend you for talking about your experience with a therapist. So many folks don’t want to admit they’ve been helped by a therapist, but, it can be a powerful way to gain control of/change one’s life!
A lot of people see it as a sign of weakness, but it takes strength to admit you need help. The personal growth I experienced is immeasurable, as is my gratitude. My therapist will be one of the first people receiving a photo of GCCjr
The Porsche was cool, and the ride down the Pacific Coast Highway was a wild 4 day roller coaster ride. But honestly, I miss my bicycle more
Great final chapter. I bet you’re glad you pressed dial when you were in Taipei. Crazy how one little action can change your life in such a tremendous way! Keep it up GCC.
Winnie is now on my iPhone favorite least for easy dialing :)
Good thing she hadn’t changed her number…
Man what an interesting journey! You’ve done it all and seen it all…well not yet…can’t wait for Go Curry Cookie. Thank you for sharing the personal details.
Life should definitely be interesting
Any day now, and it will get a whole lot more interesting. And sleepless
This is fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. A lot of blogs I read make it seem like this journey is simple or clear cut, but it’s very inspiring to see that your journey is as complicated as the rest of us. This series gives me more hope than all the calculations I’ve run about reading FI. Life can be messy and it can still work. Thank you again.
Thank you, Semira. This is exactly why I decided to write these posts
Glad you enjoyed it!
Rocky start, great ending! Thanks for sharing your life story, it has been very inspiring to read. Will definitely take away some good lessons of life from your story.
As a car nut, kind of jealous about the Porsche though…..
Have a great Easter weekend.
Cheers, Mr. FSF
Just have a midlife crisis and you too can have one, haha
I’ve already got a big motorcycle, midlife crisis covered!
I had a Ducati for awhile, also good fun
Glad to see it all worked out in the end. :)
It’s hard to know how good you have it today without having some down times along the journey.
All is well that ends well
Love your posts as always Jeremy! You have a gift for writing! Can’t wait to see your new addition!
Thank you Michele. Any day now…
A few people we know have made comments about, “Oh well this person has this advantage”, or “Well, they were making bank at ‘x’ company, so of course they could retire early”. I appreciate that you show you made mistakes a few times and that it was NOT an easy path. It took time, dedication, and conscious thought. Hopefully you two will continue to be a beacon for folks who suddenly realize, “Wait, do I have to be ‘x’ age to retire?”
Same on the personal stuff–sometimes it can be hard, but it’s worth fighting for something or someone you value. I’m so glad you have each other, and GCCjr will be joining your amazing family.
Thank you :)
Just being born in the US, I had huge advantage. There is also a little luck mixed in, but for the most part lots of conscious decisions and lifestyle design
The missing piece thing is such a cool way of seeing it. I really need to read more Silverstein.
Loving the story, and you tell it well.
Thank you sir! I predict more children’s books in our future
Thanks for sharing your journey in so much detail. It makes a big difference to read about your financial journey in different chapters rather than just one long post.
It was my pleasure. As others have said, when we were only sharing the story of travel and adventure, it looked easy. It wasn’t, so I’m happy to show the challenges along the way
You’ve said you made a lot of mistakes along the way and you weren’t exaggerating. I’m reminded of a quote from Warren Buffett that goes something like “everyone learns from mistakes, but it’s better to learn from other peoples mistakes” so I hope the new readers here are paying attention because they can save themselves a lot of time, money and trouble if they are.
Congratulations on the WGN appearance this morning. Maybe next time you’re on Chicago television it will JBTV with a punk band!
I’m planning on spending some time in Mexico to decompress after I retire in about 5-6 months. Perhaps we can meet up. Are you going back to San Miguel de Allende?
Yeah, we will be in SMA this winter. Let us know if you are in town
If there was a mistake to be made, I probably made it :)
Great reading bud, I myself lived in Asia from 1999-2009. It changed my life and gave me values on saving and being frugal that alot of westerners don’t understand. I have traveled over 1 million miles during that time and understand the important things that makes us happy in life. Seems experiences over objects sum up whats important for us. I really respect you sharing and have started my own excel file in order to retire within 12 years. Hopefully we can stick with it and when we send our daughter off to College we can travel the world as you have. Thanks for inspiring me again to live out of the norm and follow the path less traveled. I forgot it for awhile getting caught up in the Orange County, CA bubble. Good luck and if you ever need advice on traveling to Korea let me know. James
What a happy ending to your Journey to ER series!! I’m sure GCCjr will be delighted to read this when he grows up!
Love reading the series. Very interesting to hear that you were traveling so much for work which allowed you to save a lot of money.
Aren’t you glad that you made that phone call when you were in Taiwan? If you didn’t do you think your life will be the same today?
Great ending to a great story!
Just wait until the real adventure begins with the little cookie. Now go get some sleep while you still have a chance;)
A very nice conclusion to a great series. Upward and onward to better things.
not easy to share these stories but thanks for letting us know your journey. do you see the problems that you faced that requires therapy a common thing amongst the general trend or was it a problem with like minded folks like us.
I couldn’t say, I think more like an engineer than a psychologist
I suppose we all have baggage, but it is probably different for each of us
This is so awesome and so inspiring! So many great messages and lessons in here!!
Jeremy,
It is very obvious that you are a positive person. Everyone will face or has experienced the downside of life. It reminds me of the saying “Why do we fall? So we learn how to pick ourselves up!”. I have had my share of ups and downs and I do admit, sometimes I thought I should just join the club of grumpy negative people. It’s always easy to blame others or “god” for one’s bad luck. But you, Jeremy, are the personified proof that being positive can and will help you become successful. Keep up the good work.
I’m more of a Jolly Jeremy than a Debbie Downer (at least most of the time)
Have thoroughly enjoyed your blog for the past year. Came to it via MMM. Enjoyed seeing your use of Pulp Fiction on J Money. Thank you for your insights on investing and taxes. And really liked your comments on fear leading people to work “one more year”. I am 50, kids are 18 and 15, and I can already feel the tug of that fear. Unwilling to move until HS finishes up. We are contemplating the travel slowly path with our kids (if they want to come) after the youngest completes school.
And good luck with GCCJr. Hope delivery goes well. Finding a partner and having babies are the only two decisions I would be unwilling to do without. Made all other decisions since that much richer.
Thank you!
I think most people struggle with one more year syndrome. Then usually a few years later they wonder what they were worried about :)
Did the Porsche come with a comb-over kit and some man jewelry? ;) Perhaps a pinkie ring, a necklace or even an anklet ?! All kidding aside…what a great story…and blog. I think its about to ” blow up” ( if it hasn’t already ) and receive the recognition it deserves. Just in time for the Cookie Monster’s arrival. Well done!
But of course, when I do something, I do it all the way :)
(but no comb over, I don’t have enough hair for that, haha)
Thanks Jon
Awww.. I’m a sucker for happy endings.
And being together with your soulmate, making a baby together, and retiring early to travel the world.. is there a happier one?
Thanks for pouring out your journey to us. I loved it.
Just discovered your blog and have been marathon-reading in between nursing and baby-laundry sessions for our little girl!
First of all, congratulations on GCCjr’s upcoming arrival! Your lives are about to get really wonderful. I spent about 2 months on bedrest last year, hooked up to an IV the entire time due to extreme dehydration. It makes cuddling that baby that much sweeter. Hope your beautiful wife is well. I am truly so thrilled for you!
Second, thank you! Your story is inspiring. I appreciate that there are practical take-aways from your strategy and it is not centered around punishing ourselves through cutting costs by giving up things we value. I appreciate even more that you created this awesome life on a respectable salary that leaves little room for excuses, especially from me!
After months of kicking around ideas of what our lives will look like going forward, your story has single-handedly given structure to our dreams for the future. Until your blog, I never thought early retirement and financial independence for my husband AND I were a possibility before turning 60. Because I didn’t think it was possible, I never spent any thought or effort even defining what financial independence meant for us. Now it’s all I can think about when I’m not admiring my beautiful daughter and loving on my wonderful husband. That means we’re going to make it happen. Thank you thank you thank you!
Very interesting journey. You could probably make a movie out of it. Congrats!
We’ve had a couple people reach out to us to suggest a TV show. Could be fun
Thank you for sharing your story. I found it inspiring.
Great conclusion to the story. I think I learned something, but the story was so entertaining it didn’t matter! I hope people see that roadblocks are usually minor and often caused by our own actions, but its never too late to make changes or get started doing what you love.
I managed to slip in a moral to the story haha
Hi there! Love your blog because it gives me inspiration and it reminds me of the great time I had in China a few months ago when I was there for an assignment.
I also try to earn as much money as I can with the goal to reach financial independence one day.
But after reading a few of your posts I got one problem with the mathematics: in one post you say that you spend around 100 $ each day. This means that you guys spend 36,500 $ every year, which is more than 360k $ in 10 years. Not to mention how much money you will have spent until your old age.
In my opinion you cannot make all that money simply by saving and investing in the capital market (this is only possible when you put all your money in high yield securities, but this is the same as betting all your money on the same horse). So tell me: you guys really spend all that money without having any other source of cash flow? What about the advertising on your blog?
Congrats for the blog, keep on the good work!
Greetings from Germany
Hi Moe
The blog accidentally made ~$2k last year. 96% of our income was from dividends and interest (see our 2014 tax return for full details)
Investing in a broad range of stocks is a proven way to provide not only short term spending but long term growth. See this post:
https://gocurrycracker.com/path-100-equities/
The stock market is a great horse
All the best
Jeremy
It takes a brave man to face their fears and go through therapy. An even braver man to post it online. I find your story inspiring.
You’ve created a life I’m dreaming of – fulfilling relationship with a gorgeous partner, traveling the world, raising a family with 2 emotionally present parents.
I’m 23 and still building my stash, brick by brick. I’m predicting I’ll be free in 5 or 6 years but I’m hitting an emotional lull as I build. I see the numbers rising (almost 6 figure networth) but it’s almost losing meaning.
I found your site a while ago but now really dived into it and am so happy I did. It helped breathe some more life back into my journey of saving up for my freedom as I also want to live in Asia for some years, ideally I’d spend some time in every continent over my life.
I am curious about whether you stashed enough for both of you or she had to stash the way you did. I’ve thought about what I’d do if I met an amazing partner when I was free but she still working and I wanted to travel with her.
Thanks for the bravery and inspiration!
-Felipe
Your therapist’s comment about how terrifying it can be to love someone in that way…very insightful. My husband and I started dating as young’uns…just 15…and broke up 3 times over the next 8 years because we couldn’t deal with the closeness that came so naturally but felt like way too much to give. In the end we came to the same conclusion: we were happy and strong on our own but felt better in every way when together. We enhanced each other’s life in all ways and it is unique and worth overcoming the fear. We were married at 23, we are 39 now, and it has only gotten better. Everything that happens that causes us to struggle gives us the chance to get closer and learn more and become stronger. We are in awe of that truth. We are also amazed we figured it out at such a young age, because those two people seem like babies to us now. ?
There is nothing like finding your best fit.
We have lived all this time on a tight budget so we could live our dream of having a bunch of kids and actually spending time with them. Getting to early retirement first never occurred to us, we just knew we didn’t want to be like his dad and spend the boys’ childhood working long hours. My husband quit the family business (full of toxic drama) and started his own. More money per hour worked, more time at home because we long ago learned to support a family of five on less than 35k a year. And yeah, we live in Indiana…it isn’t tough to do that here with the right lifestyle choices. We deel lately as if he accidentally semi-retired. He loves his work, we can support ourselves but he only works four or five hours most weekdays in the winter, late fall and early spring and a full 40 hour week in the summer. It is pretty sweet. Thanks to all the FIRE blogs I have been reading we are shifting our investing from our Roth (already on track to be over a million by the time we can pull from it) to index funds. We have no debt, a long ago paid for house and a net worth over 300k…and we have never made more than 45k. I attribute most of it to our connection…we are so happy that we don’t need retail therapy and being on the same page is second nature now. There is a lot of strength in that.
Anyway…this is long. Love the blog and I am inspired!
Love stories are always wonderful and cool! It is good to see Winnie has trained you well! :) God Bless, Beijing, China :)
A saying from Thr Best First Marigold Hotel,. “It’s always alright in the end. If it’s not alright it’s not the end of the end.”. Looks like you got your ” ending.”
A happy one :)